I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
