best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
