did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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