life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it because I queefed?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
