I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry about my life...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
