he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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