We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
