I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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