i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
