I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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