his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
40s are totally the cure
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
