just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
