I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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