and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
