at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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