I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
