she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
