I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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