What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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