so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
