We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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