i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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