omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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