u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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