I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
