She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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