I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
