Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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