just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
