that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
