I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
