TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
