after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
