Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
