I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
