that's an acceptable place to lick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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