are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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