It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
