she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
