just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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