I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
