I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
