I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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