Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
