come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
