Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
