Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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