I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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