kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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