Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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