my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
