I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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