im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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