She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
