How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it because I queefed?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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