Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
