im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My bed smells like the plague
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
