His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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