Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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