update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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