I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
