i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize