Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
