Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
