I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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