i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
