i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
