I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
