remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
