Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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