Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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