I'm eating all of the evidence.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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