i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
