just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
