is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
