hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
